Captain's Log: Stardate 4666.8. The Intrepid is searching for good deals at the Wolf 3-5-9 salvage yard. I have brought Korn along so he can operate real weapons for once. My new first officer, Booke, is starting to worry me.
The Intrepid searches the ship graveyard.
Iwol: Any thoughts, councilor?
Korn: Yes, I see it too.
Iwol: Beam over the life support unit.
Iwol: I told you, we need that for the people on the station to live.
Korn: Sir someone is alive on that wrecked ship ahead.
Iwol: Booke, Korn, Butthead accompany me to the transporter room
They beam over
to the ship.
Iwol: Split up- Butthead and Korn go south, Booke come with me.
Iwol: The other direction
after a while....
Voice: Hey! I specifically said no cows!
Korn: Captain! Come quickly!
Iwol and Booke come running, Booke runs backwards. A little man wearing a leather mask and no pants runs away. Iwol looks into the room.
Scotty: [sizes up cow] Aye, laddie 'tis me. The cows extra.
Iwol: I thought you were on the Enterprise.
Scotty: I've been on a pleasure planet for the past year.
Iwol: Oh, you're locked in transporter for years scotty.
Scotty: Aye. Can ye take me to a station called Deep Space 666?
Iwol: Well, sure. It's my station.
Scotty: Thanks [puts pants on]
Korn: At least he didn't copy his butt.
Scotty: [hands a paper to everyone] here are your copies
Butthead: -SNORT- [eats paper, then eats everyone else's]
Butthead chews on Corn... er Korn
Korn: Cut that out!
They beam back up to the ship.
Korn: Sir, the Enterprise is hailing us.
Iwol: On screen
Kirk: The salvage guy has left for lunch. He put up a containment field to keep you from running off. I'm sending an away team to disable it.
Iwol: Hurry, we don't have much time!
Kirk, the other Scotty, and Chekov beam over to the small station.
Kirk: Okay, you two shut it off
Scotty: What do you think, laddie.
Chekov: Maybe if ve reroute the auxialry climate controls through the warp core and depolarize the pluming matrix without fusing the interlink mobilizers we could shut it off with a piece of dilithum heated to exactly 45 degrees Celsius.
Scotty stares at Chekov for a moment then smacks him upside the head.
Scotty: You'll never be an engineer.
Scotty presses the large red button that says "turn everything off"
Kirk: Mr. Scott, you're a miracle worker!
Scotty: Why thank you.
Korn: Captain, message from Kirk; the containment field is down.
Iwol: Lock on tractor beam and release shuttles!
The Intrepid grabs two ships, which in turn grab another one behind them. Several shuttles exit the Intrepid, all graceful and exactly alike (except for the one shaped like a cattle trailer)
Writer: OK, OK. Livestock mass transit unit.
Writer: Dang politically correct society.
The shuttles grab up anything they can tow.
The Intrepid, the Enterprise, and the shuttles quickly warp away before anyone notices.
Back on DS666......
Iwol: So explain what happened again.
Lore: Life support failed.
Anal: Because he turned it off!
Lore: details, details........
Anal: I had to put myself in stasus just to survive! Me and Quinn are the only BIOLOGICAL life forms to survive.
Iwol: How did Quinn Survive?
Lore: We didn't ask.
Booke: He must have used a sassy trick!
Korn: It is not honorable.
Iwol: I know. I suppose that means Lore killed all of our expendable crewmen.
Just then a sound is heard from the turbolift tube. An expendable crewmen, barely alive rises up, barely clinging to the service ladder.
Expendableguy: I...... I'm alive
Lore hits a few buttons on his console.
Iwol: Help him, Anal.
Suddenly the turbolift comes up and splatters the expendable guy all over the place.
Lore: I am sooo good!
Iwol: Get somebody to clean this up.
Quin: Who? Lore killed the people who usually do that.
Iwol: Then Lore can do it.
Lore: Really? Cool! [runs over to replicator] One display case.
Iwol: Quin, start installing some of that equipment we stol- er... uh..... obtained.
Lore begins to put body parts in his display case- with chopsticks.
Booke: Are we eating Chinese?
Booke: But why is Lore using cho....
Iwol: Butthead, I would apreciate it if you would fix his mind.
Booke: Who's mind?