Much ado about Booke, or Q Droppings
Written by Booke
Q has just arrived at DS666 planning to sample some Spock Ice (hoping
that it's intoxicating effects will relieve the extreme boredom experienced
by Q after he or she has been the scarecrow several hundred times) Unfortunately,
the effects of the potent vulcan brew wore off quickly( due to his "unique"
metabolism. Needless to say, Q is pissed.
The Intrepid is returning
from an away mission, only to be greeted by a disgruntled Q. First
the damn acid calf came back, now this.
Q: I see big things for this station.
Booke, who had just escaped from the Intrepid by disabling 475 independent
security systems, walks up behind Q.
Booke: Hello, Q
Q: [spins around and stares at Booke] Hello, Q
Booke: They call me Booke now.
Q: I thought we got rid of you.
Booke (smirking): You did.
Q: I would kill you if it was possible
Iwol: What the HELL is going on here?
Q: Captain, this lunatic works for you? What is his rank?
Iwol: First officer of the Intrepid.
Q: You, first officer of a starship?
Booke: I AM the LIZARD KING!!
Iwol and Q: What?
Booke: Yes, we have no bananas.
Q places his hand over his face and begins shaking his head.
Iwol: I demand an explanation!!
Q: Simple, captain. Have you heard about the time we Q tried to emulate
certain aspects of humanity by making William Riker a Q.
Iwol: Riker had a love affair with Picard. You did know that,
didn't you? Q? Did you know abo....
Q: Never mind that! Even though I failed....
Booke: A spectacular failure!
Q: Shut up! The Q continuum gave me a second chance. I had to find
a suitable human. After a while I found this guy. He was genetically
engineered to be a genius. Unfortunately it also caused him to be
psychotic and insane at times.
Booke: Which times?
Q: Those times.
Booke: This time or that time or maybe that other time?
Q (ignoring Booke): I set up mental barriers to block his.... urges.
After he was absorbed into the continuum, the barriers broke down. Consider
yourself lucky to have never seen the universe throughout the eyes of that
man. [Q shudders]
Q: We expelled him from the continuum and stripped him of all his powers.
Booke: Except for the fact that i cannot die!
Quin: Really? Me to.. oopS! Er, uh yeah. Uh...huh
Q: Quiet, you!
Booke bursts into flames
Booke: Ahh!! Get it off! Get it off!
Q: As I was saying, It took us a while to recover. As punishment
we gave him permanent immortality so we could subject him to constant torture.
The others got tired of this quickly. I, however rather enjoyed it.
Since it is impossible to remove his immortality, getting rid of him is
a problem. We can't imprison him because he has relapses and regains
his powers for a short time, allowing him to escape. So we created a dimensional
warp and tossed hi through. Now, Mr. Booke, what did you do to return
to this dimension?
Booke: I didn't.
Q and Iwol: What?
Lore: Stop saying that!
Booke: I'm not from this dimension. The Q continuum from my dimension
flung me into this Dimension, just as you did to your Booke
Q: The Q continuum is inter dimensional!!
Iwol: Hold on a second. You mean to tell me that not only is he immortal
and from another dimension, Booke was once a Q?
Q: Yes, that is exactly what I have been saying.
Quin: So, Booke what did you do while you were omnipotent?
Q; I'll tell you what he did. Ever wonder why all species of pandas
on earth suddenly disappeared around 2135?
Anal: He didn't.
Q: He did.
Booke: Die pandas, die! The pandas must die!
Lore: All right, Booke.
Iwol: I can't say I'm surprised.
Booke: And that's just the tip of the iceberg!
Q: In fact in his quarters he has....
Booke: Shut up! Not a word, Q! Not a word!
Q: Fine, let them find out for themselves.
Lore: Aawww, aren't you going to say (in Q's voice) Quiet You and make
Data smacks Lore.
Iwol: Find out what?
Booke: Now answer me this, Brown Cow. You say the others gave you a
second chance. When you failed did they punish you?
Iwol: Damn! That's as sane as I've ever heard him talk!
Q: Silence! Yes.... later on they even took my powers for a while.
Booke starts laughing uncontrollably.
Q: Quiet, you!
Booke bursts into flames again.
Booke: Ahh!!! Get it off! Get it off!! For the love of god get it off!!
Q: looks like life just got more intersting. [turns to face captain]
I've got my eye on this place.
Booke: Helllppp!!!! Oh, gosh it hurts!!!!
Iwol: Shut up, Booke.
Iwol What was that?
Iwol: I see, you think Q is still on the station somewhere.
Iwol: Lore, you and Data search the habitat ring. Korn, you...
Booke: Ahhh! Water! Water!
Lore pours a bottle of Spock Ice on Booke, causing the fire to burn
Everyone except Booke and Butthead: ooh... ahhh!
Booke: Disco inferno!
Scotty: Wow! we ought ta put a warnin' on that stuff!
Iwol: Good point. Nah
Everyone except for Booke and Butthead begins to laugh
Iwol: Now, back to business. Korn, you and Anal search the habitat
Anal: But my name is...
Iwol: Shut up! You too, Booke!
Iwol: Scotty, you take butthead and search the promenade. If Scotty
gets too tired he can ride on Butthead.
Scotty: Are ye up to it, lassie?
Iwol: Xavier, you take those extras and search the lower pylons.
Xavier: But Captain, you do know what happens to.....
Iwol: Just do it!
Xavier: Fine! But if I see him, I'll kick his ass!
Scotty: What will you be doing, sir?
Iwol: I'll stay here and test this immortality thing. [starts to pour
more Spock Ice on Booke] Hmm, hate to waste good brew.... Ah ha! [pour
some of Sulu's oil on Booke] Burn, Baby! Burn!
Lore: Aww, I never get the fun jobs.
SPOCK ICE PORK JERKY!
The finest hog by-products
marinated in Spock Ice for that "Special Flavor"
Why pork? Certain crewmembers
objected to beef.
An expendable crewman (doesn't matter which one. If you need a description
we could just say it's all of them) begins melting.
Expendable: What the? I'm melting! What a world!!! What a world!!
Xavier: Oh man! My new shoes.
Any surviving crewmen disappear.
Xavier: Uh oh. I promised the bodies to Lore.
Q: Just what are you, Quin Xavier?
Xavier: A starfleet officer. And damn proud of it!
Q: No, you idiot! I was referring to your species!
Xavier: Uhhhh.. Human! and damn pro...
Q: Oh, you are much more than that!
Xavier: Mr. Q! Are you trying to seduce me?
Q: I shall forcibly remove every organ from your torso!
Xavier: Hmm, I guess I'd better kick your ass then..... ARRAGH!!
And even later still (it's an all nighter, folks) in the infirmary.
Xavier: Ohhh... what happened?
Anal: I see you're awake.
Xavier: Huh? What? I'm up! I'm awake!
Anal: Very funny. Nice shirt, and by the way is this your spleen?
Xavier: Uhh, no. Doesn't look like mine.
Anal: Are you sure? It has your DNA. And so do they. [gestures to several
organs lying in the corridor.]
Xavier: Are you calling me a liar, procto boy?
Anal: Whatever. Just clean this up before the captain sees it.
Korn: Are you calling my comrade a liar? You dishonor him!
Anal and Xavier: What?
Korn: LEAVE US!
Anal: Fine, blondy, if you come down with colon cancer, find another
Anal leaves. Korn begins walking towards Xavier
Xavier: Look pal, I'm all for inter species relationships but I'm JUST
NOT THAT WAY!!
Korn: Silence!! Uh, I mean, well, since you're not using those organs....
Xavier: What? Uhhh... Okay I guess.
Korn: Korn, son of Krap, thanks you.
Korn: Liver, spleen, pancreas. So many snacks, so little time!!